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(Chief Inspector, Ofsted, Alexandra House, 29-33 Kingsway, London, WC2B 6SE).
Dear ...,
I enclose copies of correspondence with the head teacher and chairman of governors at Park High School where my daughter Mary is being bullied.

In the report after the recent Ofsted inspection your inspector said that (the school should get a bullying policy/ the school had an effective bullying policy/ bullying was not considered to be a problem).

<Your Name>

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If you need help from Bullying UK email us here

(DFE, Sanctuary Buildings, Great Smith Street, Westminster, London, SW1P 3BT, or Department for Education, Castle View House, East Lane, Runcorn, Cheshire, WA7 2GJ)

Dear Secretary of State,
Please use your powers under section 68 and/or 99 of the Education Act 1944 because I believe Wessex County Council/ Park High School is acting unreasonably/illegally by (failing to investigate my complaint of bullying/ failing to supply a copy of my daughter's school records/ failing to halt bullying).

I enclose copies of my correspondence with the head teacher, chairman of governors and LEA. (Detail specific bullying incidents).
Yours truly,

<Your Name>

If you need help from Bullying UK email us here

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(at county council/metropolitan HQ, address in phone book).

Dear Mrs White,
I enclose copies of correspondence with the head teacher and chairman of governors of Park High School where my daughter Mary continues to be bullied by Jane Brown.

I have asked what measures the school intends to introduce to deal with bullying. The response has been unsatisfactory because (the bullying has not stopped/ I have not been told what the school is doing about the problem).

Please make a formal investigation into my complaint and issue a report. I note from Mary's records that (bullying incidents have been recorded/ bullying incidents have not been recorded/ the file fails to reveal what action was taken/ the file reveals action was taken but it has not been successful).

Can you please tell me how many other complaints of bullying there have been to the LEA about this school in the last 12 months? I'd like the help of LEA staff to ensure the safety of my daughter at this school.
Yours truly,

<Your Name>

If you need help from Bullying UK email us here

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(get his/her name from the school secretary and send the letter to the school address).

Dear Mrs Green,
I enclose a copy of a letter I sent to the head teacher of Park High School on (date). Unfortunately, despite writing to the class teacher/head of year and the head teacher, my daughter Mary is still being bullied by Jane Brown.

As you will see, I have asked the head what strategy he can introduce to stop the bullying (I am not satisfied with his reply/ the bullying has continued). Please investigate my complaint and tell me what steps the governors intend to take to halt the bullying of my daughter.

As this matter is unresolved I'd like a copy of Mary's school record to see what action has been taken on my earlier complaints. I understand that I will be asked to pay for photocopying.
Yours sincerely,

<Your Name>

If you need help from Bullying UK email us here

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Dear Mr Jones,
I have been dealing with Ms Smith over the bullying of my daughter Mary by Jane Brown. Despite discussing this with the class teacher/head of year, bullying is still going on.

Can you please let me know what strategy you can introduce to resolve this problem and how it will be monitored? Is it possible for you to increase supervision at the time most of the bullying happens (at break/ in the playground/ in the corridor/ in the changing room).

<Your Name>

If you need help from Bullying UK email us here

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Dear Ms Smith,
When I saw you yesterday and explained how upset my daughter Mary was due to bullying by Jane Brown, you said you would (do some work with the class / monitor the situation / speak to Jane's parents / keep me informed).

Mary knows that she must tell you if she has any further problems. Can we please have a meeting in a couple of weeks to review the situation?
Yours sincerely,

<Your Name>

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Letter to the form teacher of head of year

Dear Ms Smith,
When I saw you yesterday and explained how upset my daughter Mary was due to bullying by Jane Brown, you said you would (do some work with the class / monitor the situation / speak to Jane's parents / keep me informed).

Letter to the head teacher

Dear Mr Jones,
I have been dealing with Ms Smith over the bullying of my daughter Mary by Jane Brown. Despite discussing this with the class teacher/head of year, bullying is still going on.

Can you please let me know what strategy you can introduce to resolve this problem and how it will be monitored? Is it possible for you to increase supervision at the time most of the bullying happens (at break/ in the playground/ in the corridor/ in the changing room).

Can I please have a copy of the school bullying policy? Please put a copy of my complaint onto Mary's file together with your written response.
Yours sincerely,

Letter to the chairman of governors

(get his/her name from the school secretary and send the letter to the school address).

Dear Mrs Green,
I enclose a copy of a letter I sent to the head teacher of Park High School on (date). Unfortunately, despite writing to the class teacher/head of year and the head teacher, my daughter Mary is still being bullied by Jane Brown.

As you will see, I have asked the head what strategy he can introduce to stop the bullying (I am not satisfied with his reply/ the bullying has continued). Please investigate my complaint and tell me what steps the governors intend to take to halt the bullying of my daughter.

As this matter is unresolved I'd like a copy of Mary's school record to see what action has been taken on my earlier complaints. I understand that I will be asked to pay for photocopying.
Yours sincerely,

To the Director of Education

(at county council/metropolitan HQ, address in phone book).

Dear Mrs White,
I enclose copies of correspondence with the head teacher and chairman of governors of Park High School where my daughter Mary continues to be bullied by Jane Brown.

I have asked what measures the school intends to introduce to deal with bullying. The response has been unsatisfactory because (the bullying has not stopped/ I have not been told what the school is doing about the problem).

Please make a formal investigation into my complaint and issue a report. I note from Mary's records that (bullying incidents have been recorded/ bullying incidents have not been recorded/ the file fails to reveal what action was taken/ the file reveals action was taken but it has not been successful).

Can you please tell me how many other complaints of bullying there have been to the LEA about this school in the last 12 months? I'd like the help of LEA staff to ensure the safety of my daughter at this school.
Yours truly,

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To The Secretary of State

(DFE, Sanctuary Buildings, Great Smith Street, Westminster, London, SW1P 3BT or DFE, Castle View House, East Lane, Runcorn, Cheshire, WA7 2GJ)
Dear Secretary of State,
Please use your powers under section 68 and/or 99 of the Education Act 1944 because I believe Wessex County Council/ Park High School is acting unreasonably/illegally by (failing to investigate my complaint of bullying/ failing to supply a copy of my daughter's school records/ failing to halt bullying).

I enclose copies of my correspondence with the head teacher, chairman of governors and LEA. (Detail specific bullying incidents).
Yours truly,

To the head of Ofsted

(Chief Inspector, Ofsted, Alexandra House, 29-33 Kingsway, London, WC2B 6SE).

Dear ...,
I enclose copies of correspondence with the head teacher and chairman of governors at Park High School where my daughter Mary is being bullied.

In the report after the recent Ofsted inspection your inspector said that (the school should get a bullying policy/ the school had an effective bullying policy/ bullying was not considered to be a problem).

Can you please assure me that my daughter's plight will be investigated and that your inspectors will ask to see all complaints made about bullying since your inspection.
Yours sincerely,

Your local councillor, MP and OmbudsmanYou can also contact your local councillor and MP. The LEA has a number of governors of its own at each school and you may find that one of these is your own councillor. A full copy of the last Ofsted report on the school can be had from the LEA for around £5.

If you're not satisfied with the way your complaint has been dealt with by the LEA you can complain to the Local Government Ombudsman on http://www.lgo.org.uk/contact.htm There are addresses on that link for the Ombudsman for your region.

The Ombudsman can't investigate the internal workings of schools but can have a look at the way the LEA has investigated your complaint.

They have a much larger degree of autonomy than state schools, so there is no local education authority to oversee their behaviour, but there are still places to turn when things go wrong.

Both the Independent Schools Information Service (ISIS) and the DFE (Department for Education) have provided Bullying UK with helpful information for parents who are dealing with school bullying.

All independent schools in the UK have to be registered with the DFE but this only ensures they meet basic legal requirements. Most schools are also accredited and belong to one of eight different organisations - which means their quality is also scrutinised and they are rigorously inspected.

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When things go wrong, just as in a state school, the first person to see will be the form tutor, head of year, house tutor or the head teacher. If the problem can't be resolved quickly and effectively after an initial face-to-face meeting, then write to the head, explaining the background and ask for the matter to be investigated and a strategy to be introduced to combat the problem.

Make a complaint to the governors

Hopefully, as in most state schools, that will be the end of the difficulty. If not, then write to the chairman of governors and enclose copies of correspondence with the head and explain why you are still not satisfied.

It is very important that you do not withhold school fees as the result of a dispute, this could result in county court action to recover them.

When your child joins a school you will have signed a contract agreeing to pay the fees. The contract is likely to have a clause explaining that you need to give notice of removing your child and you will still be liable for the fees if you take a child away mid-term.

If contacting the head and governors is unsuccessful, the next option is to take the matter up with one of the organisations to which your child's school is accredited. These organisations together make up the Independent Schools Council (ISC).

You can contact

The Governing Bodies Association (GBA),
The Governing Bodies of Girls' Schools Association (GBGSA),
The Ancient Foresters, Bush End,
Takeley, Bishop's Stortford,
CM22 6NN.
Tel 01279 871865.
Email: frank.morgan@dial.pipex.com;

The Girls' Schools Association (GSA),
130 Regent Road, Leicester,
LE1 7PG.
Tel 0116 2541619.
Email: gsa@webleicester. co.uk.
Internet www.schools.edu/gsa;

The Headmasters' and Headmistresses' Conference (HMC),
130 Regent Road,
Leicester,
LE1 7PG.
Tel 0116 285 4810.
Email: hmc@hmc.org.uk;

The Incorporated Association of Preparatory Schools (IAPS),
11 Waterloo Place, Leamington Spa,
CV32 5LA.
Tel 01926 887833.
Email: hq@iaps.org.uk;

Independent Schools Association (ISA),
Boys' British School, East Street,
Saffron Walden,

CB10 1LS.
Tel 01799 523619.
Email: isa@dial.pipex.com;

The Society of Headmasters and Headmistresses of Independent Schools (SHMIS),
Celedston,
Rhosesmor Road,
Halkyn, Holywell,
CH8 8DL.
Tel 01352 781102.
Email: gensec@shmis.demon.co.uk.
Internet www.shmis.demon.co.uk

All these associations except the HMC insist that any school seeking membership is assessed by the Independent Schools Inspectorate which operates broadly along the same lines as Ofsted.

In addition, boarding schools are subject to the 1989 Children Act and governors, heads and private owners all have a duty under this act to safeguard and promote the welfare of their pupils. Social services departments also have to be satisfied that the welfare arrangements are adequate.

Independent schools are rigorously inspected

All schools belonging to the Independent Schools Council are rigorously inspected. Since 2007 Ofsted has been responsible for inspecting all children's services, including boarding provision in schools. Members of inspection teams include former headteachers and Ofsted-registered inspectors.

Just like state schools, there are detailed inspection reports, a summary of which must be sent to parents free of charge and parents can get a copy of the whole report if they want one.

Ofsted keeps a watchful eye on these inspections and checks a proportion of them to ensure consistency. The Independent Schools Inspectorate advises the DCSF whether schools meet statutory requirements for continued registration.

Not all private schools are inside the accreditation system so ask the headteacher when you visit the school or check the prospectus.

Bullying policiesThe DFE is concerned that all schools should treat the issue of bullying seriously and told Bullying UK: "Independent schools are expected to have a policy designed to combat bullying and evidence of this is sought during inspections of independent schools."

If after taking a complaint of bullying up with the head and the chairman of the governors, a parent considers that the school has not taken their concerns seriously, or investigated them properly, they should write to the DCSF at:The Independent Schools Registration Team, DFE, Mowden Hall, Staindrop Road, Darlington, DL3 9BG.Or they can telephone the department on 01325 392185.

If you need help from Bullying UK email us here

Schools won't normally take action over incidents at weekends or during the school holidays.

Bullying by neighbours' children

Bullying by neighbours' children is a very tricky problem that can escalate into a long term dispute. Bullying UK gets numerous complaints at the start of every school holiday.

Some parents have said they intend to move home to get away from the problem. Younger children can be desperately upset at being excluded from games and 'the gang' so that they have to spend their free time indoors or even away from their home.

Inviting pupils from school home regularly is a good idea because then if your younger child has problems locally they will still have playmates.

Tactics to try to resolve problems If you've had words with a neighbour over an incident wait until things cool down and say that you are sorry that you've had a difference of opinion.

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This will defuse the situation and puts the neighbour into a situation where to fail to listen to your concerns would make him/her appear unhelpful. You could then explain what has been going on and ask his/her help in resolving the problem. This puts the bully's behaviour back where it belongs - with his/her parents.

Give the parents specific details and explain how upset your child has been and that you would like the parents' suggestions to help them become friends. This avoids the situation where you are simply blaming the bully and puts the onus on the parents to come up with a solution.

The bully is often the gang leader

One way to get him/her on your side could be, for instance, by pointing out how much older he/she is than your child, and how you appreciate it when he/she looks after him/her.

You could try inviting the bully to your home alone to try to foster a better relationship under your supervision without the influence of other children. It may also help if a small treat could be involved, like a trip to the swimming pool or the cinema.

Away from his/her natural habitat, and outnumbered by your family, the bully is likely to appear a far less threatening figure to your child and his/her swaggering bravado may evaporate.

If the bully remains unpleasant, and his/her parents are not interested in sorting him/her out, try isolating him/her so that the bully knows what it feels like.

Invite some other members of the gang around for tea and take them out for the afternoon. Act as though the bully does not exist. Ask other parents if their children would like to come to your garden for a picnic.

The bully will soon get the message and so will his/her parents. This also gives you the opportunity to discuss what has been going on with the other parents in the street. You may find that some of them have faced a similar problem and can tell you how they tackled it.

Ask other children, individually, to quietly tell you when they see the bully in action against your child. If there are further disputes with the parents it would give you a lever to be able to say that other children had been telling you what was going on.

Tenants

Councils and housing associations are often very tough on the parents of children who misbehave and victimise neighbours. Tenants in rented accommodation can be warned they face eviction if their children cause problems for others so if the situation is bad try an approach to the council or housing association manager.

Anti-Social Behaviour Orders

Police and local councils can apply for an anti-social behaviour order (ASBO) on anyone making life a misery. These have usually been applied to young tearaways terrorising neighbourhoods, vandalising property and harassing people.

Evidence is gathered about the person's behaviour and it's always helpful if neighbours are prepared to say that they witnessed incidents.

It can take a while for these cases to come to court but ASBOs can be very effective because they lay down conditions on the young person's behaviour. Breaking an ASBO is a criminal offence.

Bullying in youth organisations and sports clubsMany of these organisations have child protection policies from their national bodies so if approaching the coach at club level doesn't help, parents should make a complaint to the national supervisory body.

If you need help from Bullying UK email us here

Legal action should be a last resort

Bullying UK's view is that legal action should be the very last resort and that any parents who think they want to pursue this should see a local solicitor for half an hour of free legal advice to see if there is any point in taking the matter further.

Details about legal aid for children are in the Community Legal Service booklet A Step by Step Guide to Legal Aid.

However, the 2002 case of two north east teenagers who lost their county court claim over bullying may have affected subsequent decisions on funding in bullying cases. The judge ruled that although both had been bullied, the school had done what it could to resolve the problem.

Parents have told us in the last couple of years that they have found legal funding very difficult to get, and some who have been given it have had it withdrawn part way through the case after being told that, on balance, their claims were not likely to succeed.

If you do take legal action, the first step is that the solicitor reviews all your papers and takes counsel's opinion. You then see a barrister which is fairly informal. He tells you whether or not he thinks you have a case, who is liable, the LEA, head teacher, or governors, and then issues a written opinion.

The next step is to gather more evidence.

This is a fairly intrusive process, and probably very upsetting for a younger child. It isn't very pleasant for the parents either. Your legal team will want a report from an educational psychologist and psychiatrist/ hospital to prove that your child has suffered harm, because if they haven't suffered harm there is no case.

The child's medical records will be sent to the psychiatrist if you are alleging mental harm.

Particulars of the claim

Armed with this information you return to see the barrister to read through the particulars of the claim to be served at your local county court. This will detail specific bullying instances and specific instances of harm ie. bruises, post traumatic stress disorder.

When the papers are served at the county court (a writ is only for High Court) it will probably include the medical report. It will fully detail what has happened to the child on various dates. The defence.....either the LEA/head/governors will instruct solicitors to act for them.

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You can expect as many as three extensions of deadline for the defence to be filed. This could take three months.
The LEA will want its own psychologist/psychiatrist to see the child and will also want to see the medical and school records.

The next step is the exchange of witness statements and the court decides how the case should proceed. There could be a pre-trial review. It may be that, having read all the witness statements, the LEA (or its insurance company), will decide the case is too costly to defend and will make an offer to settle which could be a very small amount.

Reliving the ordeal

If the case goes to court there is likely to be enormous media interest as these cases are so rare. If the child is a minor the judge could direct that neither he/she nor the school should be identified but so far these cases have not attracted that ruling.

Having one's day in court is likely to extend into several stressful and upsetting days in which the child's school life is raked over and they may be accused of bringing the bullying on themselves. They, and their parents, will have to relive the ordeal in public.

Which is why legal action should be avoided unless it is absolutely necessary.

It might look like an easy option but in reality it isn't.

You need to consider

• Could the problem be resolved with the input of the governors and LA?
• How easily will your child fit into an established year group?
• Does the new school use the same exam board?
• Will your child miss his/her friends?
• How easily will your child fit into an established year group?
• Do the bullies also have friends at the new school?
• Will the travel arrangements be more difficult?

If you still want to change school then you simply contact the new one, arrange to have a look around, and if you like it then you agree a start date between you.

Things are more complicated if the new school is full. In that case you will need to get an appeal form from the LA. Church schools have their own appeal arrangements. Sometimes, if your reason for moving the child is good enough, and the school is not over-full, the LA will simply agree to the child being transferred without an appeal.

Appeal panel

Otherwise, the parents have to go before an appeal panel where the LA has to make the case that the pupils already at the school will be more disadvantaged by having your child on roll than your child will be by not being given a place.

Usually these schools are not just full, they are hugely over-full and parents can't expect that every appeal will be successful.

To give the best chance, it's helpful to have copies of letters to the head teacher, governors and LEA and from your doctor to show that you really have done all you can to try to sort the problem out.

If you simply remove your child and then hope the fact they are not at school will be a lever to getting them into the school of your choice, you're likely to be disappointed.

The best schools are always full and have waiting lists and your child is likely to be allocated to a less popular school with vacancies. Less popular often means poorer exam results and discipline.

Why moving school is not always the best optionAlthough some pupils move schools successfully we know of many others who find it difficult to settle in, who find bullying is still a problem and who end up feeling isolated and friendless.

If your child moves to another school mid term, encourage them to invite other pupils home so that they have the chance to build up some good friendships.

If your child is transferring from primary school and you're worried that he/she may have continuing problems with bullies, contact the head of first year at the secondary school before the end of the summer term and explain the problem. Ask if your child can be put into a different form away from anyone who has been bullying him/her.

Secondary schools are normally very helpful because they don't want pupils to have a difficult start to their new school life.

If you need help from Bullying UK email us here

These panels are open to everyone, we want to hear your views and we'll be posing questions to panel members regularly so that you - the people at the sharp end of government bullying policies - can tell us whether bullying is getting better or worse.

Bullying UK's workload is huge (more than 8,500 emails last year) and reflects that of other charities which all report increasing numbers of complaints. Successive governments - both Labour and Conservative - have drawn up numerous expensive initiatives over the years, issued schools with bullying advice and held conferences.

So why are increasing numbers of pupils still being bullied in UK schools? Tell us what you think and we'll make sure that not only are your views represented to the government but also to the opposition political parties and to the assemblies in Scotland and Wales.

Buzzwords

The current buzzwords about dealing with bullying are "best practice" but who decides what IS "best practice"? There are many private firms selling bullying courses to schools and LEAs so of course they have a vested interest in saying they are promoting the best methods.

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Whose views are taken into account when the DCSF comes up with new initiatives?

We think it's time to ditch the worst bullying policies if they're not working. This is your chance to tell us about the policy in your child's school, or in your child's school and where it's going wrong or why you think it works well. We want to hear about the good as well as the bad from the people who know best - pupils, parents and teachers.

Every email we receive gets a reply if you provide a valid email address. Joining the panel means that your views may be made public as part of a general report but your name and any other details will remain confidential. They won't be passed on to anyone else.

Tell us what you think

• Please tell us what happened at your child's school when you complained about bullying. Did the bullying stop?
• Does the school use a peer support policy with pupils helping others ordoes it have a no-blame or mediation way of dealing with it where thepupil sits down with the bully to talk the problem over?
• How many complaints have you made and were they dealt with in the way outlined in the school bullying policy?
• Do you think your child's school bullying policy works and if not what would you like to see in its place?
• You can join the Parents' Panel on parentspanel@bullying.co.uk

If you need help from Bullying UK email us here

It isn't just other players who are the problem but parents, coaches and team managers can also be guilty of bullying behaviour.

Pushy mums and dads

Professor Celia Brackenridge's research showed that many youngsters give up football because of the stress of parental pressure, the shouting and taunts from the touchline.

Football development officers have been very fed up with parents' behaviour with mini soccer being turned into a mega stress with a 'win at all costs' attitude.

Are you taking the game more seriously than you should, shouting vociferous encouragement from the side, displaying excessive disappointment at the missed goal and of course outright abuse or invasion of the pitch should never be tolerated and neither should abuse between rival team parents in the heat of the game.

Set a good example

If you're a parent think about the example you're setting to your child and other families.

A friend of Bullying UK who managed a youth soccer team in Leeds told of one match where there was so much trouble that the police had to be called and they refused to let parents leave until they'd taken their car registration numbers. On another occasion when he substituted a player, the substituted boy's father, who was a linesman, threw down his flag in a display of petulance and shouted to his son: "Come on Thomas, we're going home".

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The sports mad father may be pushing his son or daughter very hard and making unreasonable demands. Parents need to know that they can be guilty of bullying too and that constructive criticism about the effort they put in is acceptable but personal negative comments are not and neither is punishment for an off day.

If your child is being bullied in his/her sports club then talk to the coach or manager about it and ask them to make other staff aware of the problem.

Ask for the matter to be dealt with discreetly. If the coach catches the bully in action they can't accuse the victim of telling tales.

If the problem continues

If the problem continues and the club doesn't seem sympathetic, ask if there is a complaints procedure and follow it. Clubs may have their own rules or guidance issued by the sport's governing body and there may be appeal procedures over disciplinary matters.

If your complaint is about the coach you need to be fair and objective when making a complaint. Not every child will be picked for the team every week and it's better to approach the coach in a friendly way to discuss any issues of concern. If you can't resolve matters at club level you could consider taking it to the sport's governing body.

There's more on bullying in sport in the schools section.

If you need help from Bullying UK email us here

The DCSF recommends that parents keep samples of the child's work, record educational progress within a set period, have plans of work and outline educational objectives.

Some LEAs are more helpful than others, but parents who are teaching their children at home tell Bullying Online they enjoy doing so and find it beneficial. Local support groups mean that children can have plenty of contact with other home educated pupils.

There are a number of excellent groups advising parents thinking of this option. Their contact details are in the Bullying Online links page.

Home tuition by the LEASome parents who remove their children from school due to bullying think they will be entitled to home tuition if the child is too afraid to go to school. This is not the case.

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LEA-funded home tuition is very scarce and usually reserved for pupils who are off school due to illness. The maximum a child is likely to get would be around five hours a week.

However, LEAs are bound to make provision if the non-attendance has medical support - usually with a note from the doctor. There are DCSF guidelines available on this at www.dfes.gov.uk.

For information about home educating in Scotland contact Schoolhouse which is a very good organisation with lots of practical advice.

If you need help from Bullying UK email us here

Possible reasons for conflict

• Could your child be misbehaving in class?
• Is your child misinterpreting the teacher's actions?
• Is this the only teacher your child complains about?
• Is the teacher trying to get him/her to produce better work?
• Is the teacher unaware of personal circumstances in your family where jokes which might be inoffensive to most people upset your child?

Make some discreet inquiries among the parents of your child's friends. Overt unpleasant remarks are likely to be remembered by other children and reported to their parents. If other parents also have concerns about the way their children are treated then that might indicate a problem.

Discuss with your child what sort of remarks are made and in what circumstances. If your child is being criticised for not completing work but is finding the work difficult then a simple call to the head of year or a note to the teacher explaining the situation and asking for help should resolve the problem.

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We have had complaints that teachers have been tearing up pupils' work in front of them and shouting at them. This is unacceptable and parents need to make written complaints to the head teacher in these instances, and then to the governors if the problem continues, particularly if as far as you are aware your child has never had a problem with any other teacher.

How to resolve the problem

An informal approach to the head of year would be a good start but you must be prepared not to like the response if your child's behaviour is an issue. Bullying UK gets many complaints about teacher bullying accompanied by remarks like "I know my son's no angel" or "my daughter only refused to do as the teacher asked because she thought it was unfair". If a child is defiant and answers back then teachers are not going to accept that, and rightly so.

Bullying UK will always support teachers who crack down on bad behaviour in the classroom.

If you feel you have a genuine concern and the head of year hasn't been able to resolve it then make a complaint to the head teacher and if that isn't successful to the governors.

However, it's much better to try to sort the problem out diplomatically at a much earlier stage because your child is likely to have contact with a teacher over a number of years.

The bully keeps hitting my son

Dear Liz,
My child is aged six and yesterday I picked him up as normal to find a boy hitting him. Apparently this is not the first time this bully has done this and there is no point speaking to his mother as I've heard her arguing with someone else about him.
The headmaster has asked me if I can think of any idea to stop his bad behavior because he's always disrupting the class and being violent. The head led me to believe he may be expelled eventually.
Dave

Dear Dave
I sympathise with your problem. Let's hope the headmaster can get this bully under control. Have you put your complaint in writing yet. If not I think it would be a good idea, it may even help the head get something done about it if he can show that he has letters of complaint from parents.
It isn't really up to you to come up with ideas to resolve the problem, if the bully is disruptive in class he will be stopping other children taking full advantage of their education. I suspect it will be quite difficult for the school to expel the boy as these days suspensions are only allowed for fixed periods and expulsion is much rarer than it used to be.
Do you think any other parents would join you in a complaint to the head, it may make it easier for him to get this boy help?
Liz

My nephew is having trouble on the school bus

Dear Liz,
My nephew is aged five and has been suffering from verbal abuse and having his belongings damaged on the school bus by another boy aged 11.
My sister complained to the head who wouldn't even hear her out before saying it wasn't the school's problem. My sister is very worried.
Janet

Dear Janet
In 2004 the DCSF produced guidance for schools explaining that head teachers could take action over problems on the journey to and from school so your sister needs to write to the head teacher asking how he plans to deal with the problem.
Once your sister puts a complaint in writing the head will have to make some sort of response and it will be proof that your sister has tried to do something about it if the problem escalates. It may also make the head think twice before committing himself to an unhelpful reply.
Perhaps your sister could speak to the bus company. If pupils are being unruly they may be pleased to have an opportunity to complain to the school themselves .If there is a regular driver your sister may be able to speak to him or her and get support if they have seen what is going on.
Perhaps your nephew could sit at the front near the driver for protection. These are very young children to be allowed to do as they please. If there are any older pupils on the bus would your sister be able to ask one of them to befriend and keep an eye on your nephew?
If the problem were to spill over into the playground the head would certainly have to be involved so it would be wise to alert him that the problem has not been resolved since your sister tried to raise it with him.
Liz

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I've written to the school but the bullying hasn't stopped

Dear Liz,
My daughter is five and is being bullied. Several letters have been sent to the school, meetings held with the class teacher and the head but it still goes on.
Her behaviour used to be really good but she is now aggressive, rude and argumentative. She was never like this before. The bully has been moved to another class but now her friends are ganging up in groups of three or four.
My daughter is psyching herself up to go to school on a daily basis but she loved it at first. We are thinking of changing schools but why should she be the one to go.
Sue

Dear Sue
I think you've been doing all the right things. The first thing to do is write to the head again, explaining exactly what has been going on and asking for an immediate response to resolve the problem. Ask for a copy of the school bullying policy, schools now need to have them by law.
You should keep a diary of what goes on at school so that if you need to take it further you will have specific events to refer to.
If you are called into school to see the head, make it clear that what is happening is unacceptable and that your daughter now dreads going to school. Follow up the meeting with a letter in which you set out what was said at the meeting and what action the school agreed to take.
Liz

My special needs son is called names

Dear Liz,
My son aged 10 is dyslexic, he has been statemented and has a support assistant and is withdrawn from lessons for extra work.
Unfortunately, the help he is receiving means he is singled out for name calling from various pupils. He got a detention today for hitting another boy who was teasing him about his spelling but we don't think the other boy was punished.
We are very worried about his frustration and that he may turn into a bully himself.
Jo

Dear Jo
I suspect, as you obviously do, that he is being singled out because of this in-class support he is receiving. Whether or not it is related to his dyslexia, your son has the right not to be bullied.
If this is going on in class I wonder what the class teacher is doing at the time? Would it be possible for you to ask the support teacher to share her help with some of the other children from time to time, maybe some of them are jealous of the attention your son is getting.
It may be helpful for you to tell your son that he should tell you when there is name calling so that you can sort it out. Point out that if he does retaliate it will make things worse. The bullies are looking for a reaction from him.
I think it unlikely that he will become a bully himself if he is only reacting to the distress he is being caused but his classmates' behaviour needs to be nipped in the bud before it escalates.
Liz

I've been told to move my son to another school

Dear Liz,
My seven-year-old son is experiencing problems with another boy who regularly hits and kicks him. We have approached the school on numerous occasions.
The last meeting with the head resulted in me being told that if I didn't like her discipline procedures I should move my son. This other boy has behavioural problems which the school refuses to discuss with us.
Linda

Dear Linda
Schools have a duty of care and the head should not ignore your complaints. I suggest that you write to her outlining all the problems and also what her response was to date.
Ask her what strategy she intends to introduce to deal with the attacks on your son. I doubt very much whether she would be prepared to reiterate her remark that you can find another school if she has to put it in writing.
The school isn't allowed to discuss other pupils with you except in general terms. It might be appropriate to ask for a copy of your son's school record.
In it you should find copies of letters you have sent and incident report forms together with notes of any action taken. Asking for this file will show the school that you are determined to get the problem sorted out.
Liz

Is this horseplay or is it bullying?

Dear Liz,
I've been told that I'm over-reacting and that my son aged 13 isn't being bullied, it's mostly horseplay and he's too sensitive and needs to recognise the difference. I'm quite fed up and thinking about moving him to another school.
Sarah

Dear Sarah
I regard horseplay as fun between children which gets out of hand and someone gets hurt. I don't think it should be one sided where one child is having fun at the expense of another and the victim is upset. I'm not sure that your son being sensitive should be a negative issue for the school. They should realise this may make him more upset.

Transferring to another school is always a very difficult issue and one which needs very careful thought because the best schools are always full and you may not get a place, even on appeal.Does your son still have friends he would miss at school?

It certainly can give a child a fresh start but I would say that it is better to try to work the problem out with the school for the time being, unless he is suffering such distress that his health is suffering and he no longer wants to return to school.
Liz

Girl bullies are making my daughter's life a misery

Dear Liz,
My daughter is 11 and has been bullied mentally by the same girl for three years. I have mentioned it to the school many times, it stops for a while then starts again.

The teacher asked my daughter this morning if she was sure this was happening or if she was imagining it. I was very upset. The bullying is very subtle and her confidence is being chipped away. She has this girl shouting in her face and not letting her join in games as well and pinching her books.
She doesn't eat, sleep or smile anymore and wants to leave school and never go back. We have a doctor's visit soon as I am so worried about her. I'm afraid of making things worse by complaining again.
Julie

Dear Julie
This seems to be a classic case of bullying and the school not doing enough to effectively sort it out. I'm astonished that the teacher didn't believe your daughter after so many complaints.
Take your daughter to the doctor so that her distress can be recorded and so that she can have counselling if the doctor thinks it necessary.
You don't need to go into school again and get upset. It's time to deal with this in writing so that there is a record of what has been going on.

Here is what I suggest you say:
Dear head(name),
My daughter (name) has been bullied for three years by (name). These incidents have involved (explain) and my daughter has been so upset that we have had to take her to the doctor. On (dates) I have complained to (names) and the response has been (explain). This is no longer acceptable to me and I would like you to tell me what you have done to ensure my daughter's safety and well-being in the past and what you intend to do about it in the future.
Yours sincerely.

If the head invites you to a meeting, you could ask for it to be dealt with in writing but if you go to see him, write to him immediately afterwards, outlining what you told him and what you understand the school is going to do about it.
It should work, if it doesn't let me know and I can help you take it further.
Liz

Can I still take action although I left school some time ago?

Dear Liz
I'm 18. I had to leave my school after bullying. I was not physically hurt but it was so bad I had to go to another school further away which costs a lot of money in bus fares. My parents and I wondered if I could take legal action and how we do it?
Rachel

Dear Rachel
The thing about legal action (and I speak from experience) is that it takes years and is very stressful. To be able to take it, you need to show that you have suffered physical or mental harm because if you haven't you have no case.
If you are at school you wouldn't have any income but the rules for getting legal aid are now much stricter and so it may be harder to get the case funded. Whether or not you would be successful depends on what your parents did about the problem.
If they have plenty of written evidence, and complained to the head, governors and LEA that would be very helpful because it would show they had taken a complaint  through the system. If not I think it would be very doubtful that the Legal Aid Board would fund it.
There would also need to be medical evidence, from your doctor's notes at the time and from a psychiatrist and psychologist once the legal case was under way.
Unfortunately, very few solicitors in the UK deal with education matters and those who do generally act on matters of contract for schools and colleges rather than individuals.
If you and your parents decide to go down this route, I'll help you as much as I can, and share my experience of the process with you and your solicitor.
Liz

My son has been told it's his fault he's bullied

Dear Liz,
My son who is nine has been bullied for a nearly a year and we don't know what to do next. We keep being told that he brings it on himself. I'm fed up with writing to the head.
Anna

Dear Anna
Even if your son were a so-called 'provocative victim' that doesn't mean bullies have a free hand. I think the first thing you need to do is write to the chairman of governors, explaining the background and enclosing copies of letters between you and the school.
Ask for a copy of his school record, you are entitled to this within 15 school days (excluding holidays and weekends) and will have to pay for photocopying. You do not have to go into school to see the file, it is illegal for the school to put conditions on you seeing it.
In it, you should find evidence of all your letters and visits to the school, and a note made of any action taken. If the school is alleging that your son is a provocative victim, you should also find evidence of that in the file. If you don't, you need to question what you have been told.
The chairman of governors may try to refer you back to the head, saying that he is responsible for the day-to-day running of the school. I think this would be very unreasonable as you have already given the head the opportunity to sort it out.
If the governors are unhelpful, or the problem continues, write to the Local Education Authority. The address will be in the phone book under county council or metropolitan council.
Ask for an investigation to be carried out. The LEA will then issue a report (which may take months). If you are not satisfied, you can write to the Secretary of State and ask for an investigation. He will only be able to look into it if your child is still a pupil at the school.
Liz

The bullies have been made playground monitors!

Dear Liz,
My daughter aged 10 is being bullied by a number of girls in her class. We have spoken to the head and staff many times. They say they cannot discipline the girls unless they have proof.
They have picked several girls from the class, including some of the bullies to monitor the playground. This is so upsetting that my daughter has insomnia and is afraid to go to school, she has become sullen and frustrated which is not like her.
We have found that other girls are suffering bullying as well and we are being forced to take our daughter out of school. As this is a private school which needs a term's notice, how would we stand if we withheld the fees?
Cathy

Dear Cathy
If the school wants proof the your daughter is being bullied, where are the staff while this is going on? All schools have a duty of care towards their pupils and you could start by suggesting that supervision is inadequate if the head does not know what her pupils are up to.
Making other ten year old pupils playground supervisiors is surprising. What would happen if a child was hurt? If the bullies blame your daughter for something in the playground does that mean the school will say they have proof?
My advice is to take her to the doctor  immediately so that her distress can be recorded. I think a sharp note to the governors outlining exactly what you've done, who you've spoken to and what has been said will be a good idea, as will keeping a diary of day to day problems
Unfortunately, as this is a private school you cannot complain to the local education authority, they have no jurisdiction. So when you write to the chairman of governors you should ask for firm proposals to resolve the matter to be put forward urgently.
I doubt the school would think you had any legal reason to withhold the fees, you will have signed a contract agreeing to this arrangement. See a solicitor before you decide to do that.
Liz

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Contact the governors

After a written complaint to the head, the next step is to contact the chair of governors. You can get his/her name from the school office. Write to him/her at the school address. Explain the background and enclose any letters between you and the head. Ask for an immediate investigation.

It's unlikely that all governors will be made aware of your complaint.

This is because many issues are dealt with as 'Chair's Action' and the chairman may hope to get the matter resolved with the head teacher quickly.

The other reason not all governors will be made aware of the complaint is because the matter may escalate into an exclusion of the bully and if that happens the bullied child's parents will have a right of appeal and there need to be some governors without prior knowledge of the case.

When you complain to the chairman, send a copy of your complaint to your local councillor and ask for a meeting with him/her. Political parties have representatives on school governing bodies and if your local councillor is not one of them, he/she will have contacts who are.

Ask for a copy of your child's school record

Ask for a copy of your child's school record. The governors have a legal obligation to provide this within 15 school days, excluding weekends and holidays, but you will be asked to pay for photocopying. (There is further advice on getting a copy of the record in the section on that topic).

This is also the time to start asking questions of other parents. Your child may not be the only bullying target and you may find other parents are keen to back you up in your complaint.

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Complain to the LEA

If this doesn't work, the next step is for you to make a formal complaint to the LA and ask for an investigation to be carried out and a report issued.

In fairness to LAs, it should be said that where pupils are removed from one school to another due to bullying the LA would not necessarily know about the problem unless parents tell them. They do not need to be involved in a school transfer unless there is an appeal for a place.

Ask the LA how many other complaints of bullying have been reported to the LA involving the same school. Ask if the LA education welfare officer (education social worker) has been involved. She has to visit pupils whose parents have removed them and who are at home. This may prompt LA officials into asking if the school has a problem if there have been a series of complaints.

Taking matters further

If you do not feel that your concerns have been properly investigated you can complain to the Local Government Ombudsman - who cannot investigate the internal workings of schools but can look at the LEA's role in investigating your complaint. Also make sure you contact your MP.

Your final recourse is to the Secretary of State, at Sanctuary Buildings, Great Smith Street, Westminster, London or at the DFE, Castle View House, East Lane, Runcorn, Cheshire, WA7 2GJ  where your complaint will be dealt with by the Pupils and Parents branch.

Officials can only order action to be taken if your child is still a pupil at the school, so if he/she has been removed, there is unlikely to be anything the Secretary of State will do.

If you need help from Bullying UK email us here

Many state school parents find that they are denied access for a variety of reasons, which is unlawful.

Excuses given to parents for refusing access to the pupil's record:

• The record is private
• The head said a parent could only view certain parts of the record in his presence
• The head said he'd never allowed any parent to see a record and he wasn't going to start now

However, record keeping varies greatly from school to school. Some schools simply keep copies of test results and reports while others include far more information.

The only type of bullying schools MUST record is racist bullying. There is no requirement for them to record name calling or violence.

Your right to a copy of the record

The DFE makes it clear that state school parents have a right to a copy of their child's school record if they put a request in writing to see it and on payment of photocopying costs.

It is illegal for parents to be told that there are conditions to meet before they get a copy of the record. The school cannot insist that parents attend a meeting to receive it. If the school refuses to allow you to have a copy of the file, print out information on this link and send it to the school.

The record must be supplied within 15 days, not including weekends and holidays.

If the record is inaccurate it must be amended by removing or correcting the inaccurate part. If the school disagrees, the original letter from the parents must be put onto the file and treated as part of the record. In certain circumstances a pupil or his parents can appeal to a court under the Data Protection Act 1998 to have educational records destroyed or amended.

If a child transfers to another school, including an independent school or college, their record must be automatically transferred.

However, there are some records which parents are not allowed to see.

These include:

• A teacher's record kept solely for the teacher's personal use;
• When the holder believes that disclosure would be likely to cause serious harm to the physical, mental or emotional health of the pupil in question, or any other person

• When the records would disclose information about another pupil;
• Where the holder believes the record is relevant to whether the pupil is, or has been, a victim of child abuse or many be at risk of it.

Bullying UK's advice is that after parents receive a copy of the file they should write to the head, asking for confirmation that the full content of the record has been sent, and if not, for a list of all documents which have been withheld, and the reason why. The most common reason for documents not being disclosed is because they name another pupil.

It's in schools' interests to explain to parents if any records are missing because parents may get the wrong impression that no action has been taken over bullying when that is not the case.

Time-consuming though it is, schools need to keep records of bullying complaints and their outcome, otherwise they cannot prove they took the matter seriously should parents wish to take the matter further.

Simply writing to parents and saying the school is satisfied it did everything possible to resolve bullying is no defence to a legal action if there is nothing in the paperwork to back up the school's claim.

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Ask how your child is getting on with others in class and raise any issues of conflict with other children.

Ask if the teacher has noticed that your child seems unhappy and isolated and is being excluded from games in the playground or regularly not having a partner to work with in class.

Ask the class teacher, or the head of year at secondary school, if he/she can keep an eye on the situation and let you know if they have any concerns. Ask what the teacher suggests would be the best way of sorting it out. At a primary school perhaps the supervisors could take a more active role in the playground by keeping an eye on your child and ensuring that people are not excluded from games.

Some primary schools have "friendship seats" where younger children can go to sit if they have nobody to play with so that other pupils can ask them to join their games and the supervisors can spot whether one child is on their own too often.

Secondary schools

Secondary schools may not be aware that there are some areas of the school pupils feel are unsafe, the toilets often come into this category.

By telling the head of year where the bullying is happening, supervision can be increased so that the bullies are caught red handed, meaning that your child can't be accused of telling tales.

At this stage it can be helpful to try to increase your child's circle of friends, by inviting a number of children home regularly, to forge stronger friendships.

If bullying continues:

• Keep a diary of what your child says is happening
• Write a note to the class teacher or head of year, explaining that the problem is still unresolved
• Suggest that contact between the bully and your child is monitored and limited, perhaps by the bully moving to another table or set
• Or get your child to keep his/her own diary
• Ask for your letter to be put onto your child's school file, together with a note of action taken
• Ask for a follow-up meeting after a couple of weeks to discuss how things are going

That often does the trick, but if not, it's time to write to the head teacher, outlining everything that has gone on, and including evidence from the diary to back up your complaint. Putting a complaint in writing is essential so that there is a record of your concern.
Schools have a duty of care, and allowing a child to be continually bullied when the school has been alerted to the problem could be seen as a breach of that duty.

Schools have a variety of sanctions they can use including:

• A warning
• Calling the bully's parents in to school
• Detention
• Internal exclusion within school
• Fixed term exclusion
• Permanent exclusion

If bullying is happening in the changing rooms, in the corridors or playground then ask for supervision to be increased. If the school says it does not have the resources then explain that you are not asking for all the children to receive increased supervision, only the bully.

Ask for a copy of your complaint to the head teacher to be answered in writing and for a copy of it to be put onto your child's school file with a note of action taken.

If the school asks you to go in to discuss the matter, then try to take a partner or friend with you. Make notes of the points you want to make beforehand and be firm and polite. Don't get into an argument.

After each visit send a letter to the school outlining the points of the meeting and action you have been told they will be taking. Ask to see the school bullying policy if you haven't already seen it. If you weren't happy with what you were told at the meeting then say so in the letter.

Complaining to the police If your child has been assaulted at school then make a complaint to the police. Police forces in the UK have school liaison officers who are experienced at dealing with school-related issues.

The age of criminal responsibility in England and Wales in 10 and if the attacker is younger than this then you will probably not find that the police will be able to do anything. However, they are often very good at warning bullies off in front of their parents.

Attacks by older pupils may result in cautions or prosecution, particularly if injury is involved.

It's important not to take matters into your own hands and to confront the bully's parents. This can lead to serious arguments. See your doctor Bullying UK receives up to three emails a day from children who are either suicidal now, or who have been in the past. Some of those pupils are receiving psychiatric or psychological help or counselling.

If your child is particularly unhappy then take him/her to the doctor so that his/her distress can be recorded and if appropriate, medication or counselling can be started. A letter from your doctor to the school, stressing the effect bullying is having on your child's health can also be helpful. Some children self harm due to the stress of bullying and signs of this could be not wanting to wear short sleeved tops or preferring to wear trousers even in the hottest weather. Please be aware that there are a number of very dangerous self harm 'advice' websites on the internet and teenage girls in particular are at risk of being targeted by adults in them.

Warning of prosecution

If your child is taking time off school you're likely to be warned you may face prosecution unless you are teaching him/her at home. Unfair though it may be, keeping a child at home due to bullying is considered to be an unauthorised absence.

You need to make sure you put complaints in writing to the head, governors and LEA in an attempt to sort the problem out.
Children staying at home in these cases are regarded as truants or an unauthorised absence and there has been a well-publicised case where a mother was jailed.

It's wise, when your child is so stressed by bullying, and so frightened that they can't face school, to telephone the LEA education welfare officer (sometimes called an education social worker) to explain the situation and to ask him/her to intervene with the school to get the bullying stopped. The education welfare officer's role is to ensure that children do attend school and they normally step in when a school alerts them that a child has been absent for a short period of time but if you feel your child may stop going to school then ask their advice straight away.

Fortunately, most schools now take their responsibilities over bullying very seriously, all state schools are supposed to have bullying policies by law. Ask for a copy of that policy and see whether it contains anything to help you to resolve the problem. For instance, it may lay down a procedure to be followed over complaints and explain how those complaints will be treated. Make a note of the way in which your complaints have been dealt with and how they differ from the way they are supposed to be dealt with in the policy.

School refusal

If your child can't face school because of unresolved bullying, ask the LEA pupil support department or education social worker to intervene with the school to get the bullying stopped. You could also ask your doctor if a referral to a specialist like a psychologist for counselling would help.

You could ask your child's head of year to arrange for your child to have access to a particular teacher they could go to if they feel under pressure and whether a buddy could be arranged for your child to help them settle back in.

It may also be possible to arrange a phased return to school where your child attends for a few hours a day to build up confidence to return full time.

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The relevant section is http://www.teachernet.gov.uk/wholeschool/behaviour/exclusion/guidance/part2/ which says........

"Pupils' behaviour outside school on school business, for example, on school trips, away school sports fixtures, or work experience placements, is subject to the school's behaviour policy. Bad behaviour in such circumstances should be dealt with as if it had taken place in school.

"For behaviour outside school, but not on school business, a head teacher may exclude a pupil if there is a clear link between that behaviour and maintaining good behaviour and discipline among the pupil body as a whole. This will be a matter of judgment for the head teacher. Pupils' behaviour in the immediate vicinity of the school, or on a journey to or from school, can be grounds for exclusion."

There are a number of ways of tackling this problem

• It should help if this is a bus provided by the LEA if pupils can sit near the driver, and sit by other adult passengers if it is an ordinary service bus.
• Write to the school to make a complaint about bullying on the bus but also make a complaint to the LA department that deals with school transport if this is one of their buses.
• Ask if the bully can have his/her pass withdrawn for a week or so in the hope that the inconvenience to them and their parents will result in better behaviour.
• A parent could also make a complaint to the bus firm because if there is regular trouble on the bus, the firm may be pleased to have an opportunity to make a complaint to the school which could help to solve the issue.

Bullying UK regularly gets complaints about bullying at bus stops and on the way home. Many business premises are covered by CCTV which sometimes also films the street so if your child is assaulted the police may be able to recover film evidence of what took place.

If your child feels unsafe you could get him/her an attack alarm. These often look like keyrings and cost about £5. The noise they make when activated should scare an attacker off and attract the attention of passers-by.

Pointers to a bullying problem

• Coming home with cuts and bruises
• Torn clothes
• Asking for stolen possessions to be replaced
• 'Losing' dinner money
• Falling out with previously good friends
• Being moody and bad tempered
• Wanting to avoid leaving the house
• Aggression with brothers and sisters
• Doing less well at schoolwork
• Insomnia
• Anxiety
• Being quiet and withdrawn

The worst thing to do is to over-react and storm into school demanding action. Bullying Online is regularly contacted by parents who have lost their temper and ended up banned from the premises or in trouble with the police.

Don't forget that if you didn't know your child was being bullied then the school may not have realised it either. The class teacher/head of year isn't your child's constant companion and isn't a mind reader.

If you think your child is being bullied, but you're not sure, then ask a few simple questions.

For a younger child:

• What did they do at school today?
• Did they do anything they liked?
• Did they do anything they didn't like?
• Who did they play with?
• Are they looking forward to going to school tomorrow?
• What sort of games did they play?
• Did they enjoy them?
• Would they have liked to play different games with someone else?
• How are their friends?

For an older child:

• What did they do at lunchtime today?
• Is there anyone they'd like to invite home?
• Is there any lesson at school they don't like and why?
• Is there anyone at school they don't like and why?
• Are they looking forward to going to school tomorrow?

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The DCSF used to be called the DfES and before that the DfEE.

The DCSF thinks that the LEA should treat all allegations of bullying seriously and should investigate them with the school concerned. However, it's up to the LEA to decide the extent of the investigation.

Where there are conflicting accounts of events the LEA should try to establish which account is the most accurate.  It will be relevant to consider factors such as the seriousness of the alleged incidents and the number of pupils involved.

Although pupil behaviour issues are primarily the school's responsibility, the DCSF believes the LEA should consider using its powers to intervene where necessary, for example where the education of pupils at a school is being severely prejudiced by the school's failure to take adequate steps to deal with bullying.

Even if the LEA does not directly intervene, it can provide help from the Education Welfare Service or advise on a possible change of school if requested by the parents.  In cases where intervention is considered unnecessary, but the problem subsequently escalates, the LEA might need to review their earlier decision. However, the DCSF says that any decision whether to exclude an alleged bully is exclusively a matter for the head teacher.

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Whether an LEA's response is considered adequate will depend on the circumstances of the case and the extent of hard information available. The DCSF says the views of the alleged victim (or their parents) are relevant but not paramount.

The child must still be a pupil at the school for DCSF to actThe DCSF can only investigate complaints about bullying while the child is still a pupil at the school, if the parents request this in writing, and providing the local channels of complaint have been exhausted. These are: to contact the headteacher, the chair of governors and the LEA (in that order).

In bullying cases, unless the parent's complaint is particularly targeted at the LEA, the Department will normally only investigate the alleged actions or omissions of the school concerned.

Your MP can be very helpful because his/her inquiry to the DCSF will get priority.

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We think it's time to find out what works and to ditch the rest.

The no-blame or support group method

The victim is interviewed and asked to draw a picture or write a poem about the effect bullying has had.

A meeting is then held between a teacher and a group of students including the bullies, those who may have seen the incidents and others who are not directly involved. The teacher explains to the group how the victim is feeling and the group then offers suggestions to find a solution.

The idea is that as the bullies are not being blamed for what they've done, they stop feeling threatened and can be part of finding a solution. Those who were bystanders are supposed to be able to see that by doing nothing, they were condoning the bullying.

The group is asked for its ideas, pupils can come up with practical problem solving solutions and the responsibility for carrying out these ideas rests with the group.

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Each pupil in the group then carries out their own solution, so that a child who has been excluded from activities with other children may now have someone to play with and another may accompany him on other occasions to make sure there is no bullying.

A week or so later the group reconvenes to discuss progress and what has been achieved. This is supposed to give them a sense of success.

Records are not always kept of the way this method is carried out.

OUR EXPERIENCE OF THIS METHOD: This strategy has been described to us by parents as "the school doing nothing". Where particular bullying policies are mentioned in complaints to this charity this is the one that causes most concern. Parents tell us that the bullying has continued and that they don't understand why the bullies continue to "get away with it."

Together with our friends at Kidscape, who have also had numerous complaints about this method, we have made representations to the DCSF and in 2005 Prime Minister Tony Blair said he was shocked bullies were not being blamed for their behaviour and that they should be punished.

Mediation/counselling between the bully and victim

Circle time

Many primary schools use Circle Time. Pupils sit in a circle and play games or do something enjoyable for a short time, and then they can discuss matters as a group, including bullying. This is a way for everyone in class to take part in a structured way.

This includes listening to the person making the points without making remarks or laughing. Some schools have a toy or emblem and the only person speaking is the one holding it.

OUR EXPERIENCE OF THIS METHOD: Children have told us they feel humiliated and distressed at having to discuss how they feel about being bullied in front of their class, including the bullies. This is not an appropriate method of resolving bullying of individual children.

Peer support programmes

Telling schools

Restorative Justice

Supposed to 'empower' young people as its practitioners believe punishments don't fit the bill. Peer mediation and circle time are often part of the process. Restorative Justice has been used for some time for offenders to try to make them understand the effect they've had on people they have burgled or mugged.

OUR EXPERIENCE OF THIS METHOD:  No-blame bullying policy by another name. Sadly, bullies don't always have a better nature and don't want to make amends but they do find it useful to learn more about their victim through mediation so that they can use that in further  bullying.

If you need help from Bullying UK email us here

There have been many cases where teenagers have killed themselves due to bullying and no doubt the bullies never thought this would be the consequence of their behaviour.

You can tell your teenager that Bullying UK gets hundreds of emails a month and a surprising proportion of these are from secondary school pupils who say they are suicidal now or have been in the past.
Some have been cutting themselves due to their distress. Others are receiving psychiatric and psychological help. Many of them are too frightened to go to school and some have been removed from school by their parents.

We also get emails from pupils suffering from eating disorders because they have been called fat when they are perfectly normal, and others from pupils with Aspergers syndrome who are teased because their condition makes it difficult to relate to other people.

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Bullies also target those who are more clever, more popular and better looking than they are as well as those who stand out in any way perhaps because they wear spectacles, have red hair, dyslexia, diabetes or are just quiet and pleasant.

If your child is a teenager then discuss these issues with them. Ask if they really want to be responsible for another person having a mental breakdown and suffering unhappiness that often carries over into adult life.

Questions you can ask an older child

• How he/she feels about the victim and what they don't like about him/her?
• Who else is joining in the bullying?
• Why are they are doing it?
• Have they thought of the effect bullying is having on the other person?
• Is he/she joining in because they're afraid of the consequences if they don't?
• How does he/she think the person being bullied must feel?
• Does he/she realise that attacking someone else is a criminal offence?
• Does he/she realise that sending abusive emails, text or phone messages is a criminal offence?
• If the bullying complained about was happening to him/her what would he/she want done about it?

Most children are fundamentally decent and after initially denying their involvement many will be genuinely sorry.Sometimes bullies show no understanding of the distress their behaviour causes and no remorse.

For cases like these then a visit to the family doctor to try to get expert psychological help to get to the bottom of it is essential.

Which explains the circumstances in which a number of bullied pupils have killed themselves.

You can find out more about this book at www.successunlimited.co.uk/books/bullycid.htm. You can also see the names and details of children who have killed themselves due to bullying on www.successunlimited.co.uk/bullycide/cases.htm

Some things to think about

• Do you encourage your children to stand up for themselves and could their assertiveness be construed as bullying?
• Are you confrontational?
• Are you critical of teaching staff in front of your child?
• Do you try to work with the school on problems
• Do you tell your children to hit back?
• Are you aggressive if another parent complaints to you about bullying?
• Do you give your children space to talk about things that may be upsetting them?

You can expect them to deny it.

But before you dismiss the thought out of hand, listen to what the school has to say about it. Parents rarely complain to a school at the outset of bullying, there's usually been a history of unhappiness. Sometimes the target has had to take time off school through fear and may be suffering such distress that they need to see a doctor.

Sanctions

Sanctions against your child could include a warning, detention, temporary or permanent exclusion (expulsion). A violent, one-off incident harming another pupil could be grounds for expulsion.

If an incident involves violence, text phone abuse or demands for money then the victim and their parents should, and probably will, make a complaint to the police if the bully is over the age of criminal responsibility which is 10 in England and Wales.

You might find it helpful to ask for a copy of the school bullying policy so that you can go through it with your child.

If you need help from Bullying UK email us here

Bullying UK receives thousands of emails a year from young people, many of them feeling very distressed and powerless to put a stop to bullying.

How to deal with a complaint about a younger child

• Tell your child calmly what they are accused of and ask for an explanation
• Ask the head teacher if your child is the only one accused of bullying
• Ask the head teacher what strategy he/she can introduce to deal with the problem
• Explain to the child that if he/she calls people names, deliberately hurts them or takes their friends away this is bullying and not fun
• Ask if supervision can be stepped up at the time the bullying is said to be happening
• Ask to be kept informed of further complaints or behaviour problems

Questions you can ask a younger child

• Who are your child's friends and what does he/she like about them?
• What does your child think about the bullying victim?
• Is your child is afraid of anyone else? There is often a ringleader and children go along with him/her because they are afraid they may be the next target if they don't
• Has he/she dropped old friends and got new ones?
• What games do they play at school and who decides who can join in?
• Could your child be upset because of a change in family circumstances, separation, bereavement, a new baby?
• If your child being bullied as well?

Their schools often say they had no idea what was going on. But the bullies know exactly what they've been doing - and so do their friends. It's too late to have regrets when someone has died, or been made so ill they need medical treatment.

This section provides help for parents who are worried that their child is a bully.

You're a bully if you do any of these things to someone else

• You call them names
• You make up stories to get them into trouble
• You take their friends away leaving them on their own
• You hit them, kick them, trip them up or push them around
• You make remarks about their looks or weight
• You don't choose them to be your partner in class
• You tell them you're busy and then go off to enjoy yourself with other people
• You damage their property
• You make jokes about them when you can see they're upset
• You indulge in horseplay when you know they are not enjoying it
• You're going along with the crowd who are doing any of these things
• You tell other people not to be friends with them
• You take their friends away leaving them on their own
• You tell other people not to be friends with them
• You make remarks about their culture, religion or colour
• You make remarks about their disability or medical condition
• You leave them out when you're choosing a games team
• You take away their possessions or demand money from them
• You hide their books or bag
• You send them nasty text messages or make silent calls on their phone
• You make threats about nasty things that will happen to them
• You make remarks about them liking other boys or other girls. This is homophobia.

Your first reaction might be disbelief that your well-behaved son or daughter is being accused of bullying.

But before you dismiss the thought out of hand, listen to what the school has to say about it. Parents rarely complain to a school at the outset of bullying, there's usually been a history of unhappiness. Sometimes the target has had to take time off school through fear and may be suffering such distress that they need to see a doctor.

You need to take what the school says seriously and work with staff on a solution. There are times when people are unjustly accused of being bullies but a thorough investigation should reveal this.

SanctionsSanctions against your child could include a warning, detention, temporary or permanent exclusion (expulsion). A violent, one-off incident harming another pupil could be grounds for expulsion.

If an incident involves violence, text phone abuse or demands for money then the victim and their parents should, and probably will, make a complaint to the police if the bully is over the age of criminal responsibility which is 10 in England and Wales.

You might find it helpful to ask for a copy of the school bullying policy so that you can go through it with your child.

If you need help from Bullying UK email us here

National links

• Commission for Racial Equality
• For Sikh children
• Black Information Link. Ethnic minority issues
• Confederation of Indian Organisations, working with Asian voluntary organisations
• Holocaust Memorial Day: January 27 in the UK. This commemorates the date of the anniversary of the liberation of the concentration camp at Auschwitz-Birkenau

Victim Support

• The Refugee Council. The UK is now home to people from all corners of the world, including those from Romania and the former Yugoslavia.
• Crime and Disorder Act 1998, relating to racially aggravated offences
• Simon Wiesenthal survived death camps to become a Nazi hunter. www.wiesenthal.com
• Anne Frank Memorial Day: June 12

Race Equality Councils - North of England

• Calderdale VA, Halifax 01422 348777
• Kirklees REC, Huddersfield 01484 540 225
• Leeds REC, 0113 237 4663
• Rotherham REC, 01709 373 065
• Sheffield REC, 0114 203 9325
• York REC, 01904 642 600

Race Equality Councils - Scotland

• Central Scotland REC, Falkirk, 01324 610 950
• Edinburgh and Lothians REC, 0131 556 0441
• Fife REC, Glenrothes, 01592 610 211
• Grampian REC, Aberdeen, 01224 625 895
• Tayside REC, Dundee, 01382 454 595
• West of Scotland CRC, Glasgow, 0141 287 6048

Race Equality Councils - Wales

• North Wales REN, Colwyn Bay, 01492 535850
• Race Equality First, Cardiff, 029 2022 4097
• South East Wales REC, Newport, 01633 250 006
• Swansea Bay REC, 01792 457 035
• Valleys REC, Pontypridd, 01443 401 555

Race Equality Councils - North East England

• Cleveland WEA, Middlesbrough, 01642 211 165
• Darlington and Durham County REC, 01325 283 900
• Forum for Racial Justice, Grimsby, 01472 324616
• Tyne and Wear REC, 0191 232 7639

Race Equality Councils - North West England

• Blackburn with Darwen REC, 01254 261 924
• Bolton REC, 01204 331 002
• Bury Metro REC, 0161 761 4533;
• Cheshire, Halton and Warrington REC, 01244 400 730
• Manchester CRC, 0161 228 0710
• Preston and Western Lancashire REC, 01772 906 422
• Rochdale REC, 01706 352 374
• Tameside REC, Ashton-Under-Lyme, 0161 343 3399
• Charnwood REC, 01509 261 651

Race Equality Councils - Midlands

• Derby REC, 01332 372 428
• Kettering REC, 01536 511 777
• Leicester REC, 0116 299 9800
• Lincolnshire FRJ, 01522 574193
• Northampton REC, 01604 632 231
• Nottingham and District REC, 0115 958 6515
• Wellingborough District REC, 01933 278 000
• Birmingham RAP, 0121 695 2486
• Coventry REC, 024 7663 2236;
• Dudley REC, 01384 456 166
• East Staffordshire REC, 01283 510 456
• Herefordshire REC, 01432 260 000
• North Staffordshire REC, 01782 214 061
• Rugby REC, 01788 576 424
• Sandwell EMUF, 0121 558 3877
• Stafford REC,  01785 246 471
• Telford and Shropshire REC, Wellington, 01952 240 736
• Walsall SREP, 01922 654 705
• Warwick District REC,  Leamington Spa, 01926  457 940
• West Midlands (and Worcestershire) REC, Worcester, 01905 29283
• Wolverhampton REC, 01902 572 046

Race Equality Councils - South East England

• Bedford REC, 01234 350 459;
• Cambridge EMF, 01223 315 877
• Essex REC,  Southend, 01702 333 351
• Essex-Basildon REC, Pitsea, 01268 465 068
• Ipswich and Suffolk REC, 01473 408 111
• Norwich and Norfolk REC,  01603 442 211;
• Peterborough REC, 01733 554 630
• Watford REC, 01923 256 044

Race Equality Councils - London

• Barking and Dagenham REC, 020 8594 2773
• Bexley REC, 01322 340 316
• Bromley REC, 020 8776 8838
• Camden REC,  020 7383 3588
• Croydon REC, 020 8681 5217Ealing REC, 020 8579 3861
• Enfield REC, 020 8373 6271
• Greenwich CRE, 020 8855 7191
• Hackney ARE, 020 7241 2244
• Haringey REC, 020 8889 6871
• Harrow REC, 020 8427 6504
• Hillingdon RESG. 020 8848 1380
• Hounslow REC, 020 8583 2525
• Kensington and Chelsea Community Relations Section, 020 7598 4633
• Kingston REC, 020 8547 2332
• Lewisham REC, 0208852 9808
• Merton REC, 020 8545 4010;
• Newham REC, 020 7473 5349
• Redbridge REC, 020 8514 0688
• Southwark REC, 020 7635 8882
• Sutton REC, 020 8770 6199
• Tower Hamlets REC, 020 7377 8077
• Waltham Forest REC, 020 8521 8851
• Wandsworth REC, 020 8682 3201
• Westminster REC, 020 7287 1157

Race Equality Councils - South East England

• Aylesbury Vale REC, 01296 425 334
• Chiltern Racial Equality Council 01494 786398
• Medway REC,  Gillingham, 01634 333 880
• Milton Keynes REC,  01908 606 828
• North West Kent REC, 01322 287 251
• Oxfordshire REC, 01865 815 239
• Sussex REC, Crawley, 01293 521 058
• Woking CRF, 01483 721 444
• Wycombe REC,  High Wycombe, 01494 527 616

Race Equality Councils - South West England

• Banbury and Dist REC, 01295 264 518
• Bath and North East Somerset REC, 01225 442 352
• Bristol REC, 0117 929 7899
• Cornwall CRE,  Redruth, 01209 219 267
• Devon and Exeter REC, 01392 422 566
• Dorset REC, Bournemouth, 01202 553003
• Gloucestershire REC, 01452 301 290
• Plymouth and Dist REC, 01752 312 640
• Reading REC, 0118 986 8755
• Slough REC, 01753 691 266
• Somerset REC, 01935 414 911
• Swindon REC,  01793 528 545
• Wiltshire REC, Trowbridge, 01225 766 439

Britain is a multi-racial and multi-faith country and everyone has the right to have their culture and religion respected by others.

It's illegal and it can be stopped.

Complain to the police

What is racist bullying

It's an offence

If your child has been threatened or attacked because of his/her race, then you must contact the police. Parents say that the police are generally very helpful and this may be because they are now much more aware of racist issues themselves.

It is now a criminal offence under the Crime and Disorder Act 1998 to racially harass or assault anyone and the Public Order Act 1986 makes it an offence to use threatening, abusive or insulting language or behaviour to stir up racial hatred. Racist leaflets are also outlawed.

Since 2001, amendments to the 1976 Race Relations Act mean that complaints of racial discrimination in education can be brought straight to the county courts (England, Wales and Northern Ireland) or sheriff courts (in Scotland) without having to be referred first to the Secretary of State for Education.

If your child is being called names relating to colour or religion or culture then the first step is to write to the head teacher to explain what has been going on and to ask for it to be stopped immediately.

If English is not your first language and you have contacts in the community, then tell them what is happening at your child's school, and ask for help. Your child may not be the only one suffering this problem. Dealing with bullying can be upsetting and isolating. Tell us about it so that we can help you.

Deadline

The deadline for bringing a case to the county court is six months less one day from the behaviour you are complaining about, so if the school is unhelpful seek advice from the CRE immediately.
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The Commission for Racial Equality does not have bottomless funds so few people are actually represented by it, although everyone gets initial advice and it will explain how to get public funding if you want to take the matter further.

A committee sits every six weeks to decide which cases to support. Decisions are taken on the basis of chances of success or whether a particular case can test a point of law.

If you need help from Bullying UK email us here