Problems young people suffer

Sometimes we think we're the only one with a particular problem but we're not. These extracts from some of the thousands of emails sent to Bullying UK each year cover some very common problems. Most emails and replies have been much longer than these and we have removed anything which would identify the sender, school or family.

Threats from girl in my street

Dear Liz
I'm aged 14 and I'm not getting bullied at school but I get threats from an older girl who goes to my school and who lives in my street. We used to be really friendly but we fell out. I get nasty calls on my phone and takeaways and taxis sent to our house. I know she and her friends are behind it because sometimes she's said things in the text messages that only she would know. Do you think the school will do anything about her if my mum complains?
Sarah

Hello Sarah
Schools don't usually do anything about bullying off the premises, that's because a High Court case a few years ago said they didn't have to, so although this girl goes to your school it's unlikely that the head teacher will want to get involved.

The police are the best people to help here. If you get any more offensive or threatening texts don't reply to them but save them and ask your parents to contact the police. Sending these sorts of messages can be two types of offence. They might contravene telecommunications law and if this is part of a campaign of problems the calls could also amount to harassment.

If your parents take your phone to the police they can find out from your mobile phone firm where the messages came from. It can be time consuming for the police to do this but if there are a lot of messages then it's worth asking them to put a stop to it. Another way to stop the problem is for you to change your mobile phone SIM card.
Liz

Everyone has seen this horrible website which insults me

Dear Liz,
There's a website everyone at school knows about where people have been posting insulting messages about me giving my name and also my school and the year I'm in. Lots of vile and untrue things have been said about me and I don't know what to do. My mum wants to get the police involved but I'm afraid it will make things worse. I don't know who is behind it or how to complain and get the postings removed.
David

Hello David,
I can understand why you're so upset about this, Bullying UK has closed down several of these unpleasant websites inviting others to post abuse.

Although this board has been set up by people who live in your area, it is hosted abroad. If you go to the 'help' menu on the board it should give you information about what to do if you have a complaint.

Ask your parents to send an email to the contact address explaining that abusive remarks are being made about you and that these almost certainly contravene the terms and conditions the message board owner signed when he took up the service.

Your parents should ask if all abusive messages about you and anyone else can be removed. They can explain that if there are a number of them they may amount to harassment under UK law and that they will be making a complaint to the police if they are not removed.

If your parents don't get a favourable response they can go to a website called www.geektools.com, to the section called 'who is' and then type in the name of the website ie. www.anyboard.com and one click on the button will tell them the name and address of the site's registered owner. They can then report that to the police.

I'd also suggest that your parents alert your head teacher to this problem as you are probably not the only person being targeted in this way. If people are using school computers to upload this abuse then the school should be able to halt their internet use.
Liz

I'm very depressed and I've been self harmingDear Liz
My grades at school have gone right down and I'm bunking off when my mum's at work because I can't face all the lessons I have with the bullies. I'm being called names about my weight and I have nobody to go around with at break. When I sit down with my packed lunch the others get up and move away. I'm taking so much time off that my mum is going to find out soon. I've told my head of year and she spoke to them but they're still doing it. This is making me feel very depressed and I've self harmed a few times.
Charlie

Hello Charlie,
I can understand why you don't want to go to school but if you take time off then you're damaging your chances of doing well in exams and that might affect your future.

Your mum needs to know what's going on so that she can help to get this sorted out. Try to find a time when she isn't busy to tell her or if you can't do that have a word with a grandparent or another member of your family or close friend and ask them to help you explain what's going on.

As you've already told your head of year then your mum needs to write to the head teacher explaining what's been going on and asking what strategy he/she can introduce to deal with the problem.

Bullying can make you feel very upset and depressed so if you feel like that see if your mum thinks you need to see your doctor. Please don't try to lose weight just because the bullies are calling you names. Only your doctor should decide if you need to do that, you could make yourself ill if you diet without medical supervision. Your doctor might be prepared to write a letter to the school if the stress from bullying is making you ill.

Self harming is very dangerous and can easily go wrong. Please talk your feelings over with your doctor because he/she will be able to help you.

Keep a diary of who does and says what because that can be useful for the school to see what's going on.
Liz

I can't face school because of the bulliesDear Liz,
I'm 14 and I can't face school any more. I want to move to a new one because it can't be any worse than this. I'm always on my own at break and I've got nobody to go around with. I've fallen out with my friends and they're going around with someone who used to bully me.
Amarjit

Hello Amarjit
I can understand why you're so unhappy but there may be ways this can be sorted out.

Moving to a new school isn't all that easy because the best ones are usually full and you may not get a place. You might end up at a less popular school which is further away from where you live and it can be hard to settle in when everyone else already has friends. It's also possible the bullies will have friends at the new school too.

These people who used to be your friends probably still like you in the same way, but they could be worried that if they show they still like you that they'll get bullied in the same way.

One thing you could do is have a word with each of them individually, at a time when nobody else is around, and just sound them out. You could try to get them into conversation about something like what they did at the weekend and then just say that you used to be friends with them and you're not sure why that changed.

To have friends you also need to be a friend and you can do that by trying to be open and friendly with people and asking how they are. This isn't always easy because sometimes the people you are nice to aren't nice back, but if you just ask someone if they had a nice weekend then it gives them the chance to say something back and then you can try to continue the conversation.

People love talking about themselves so in time you will find people who like doing that because you'll come across as a good listener and then people will enjoy your company and you'll find you have the same interests as some of them which is the first step towards genuine friendship.
Liz

Will I be bullied more when I change school?Dear Liz,
I've been having trouble with girls in my class in Year 6  for a long time and I'm worried it's going to get worse when we all move up to secondary school. I'm also afraid I'm going to get new bullies on to me too.
Marie

Hello Marie,
It's natural to be worried and nervous about changing school because it can seem like a big step but your mum and dad can help you out with this.

They can contact the head of the first year at your new school in the term before you start there and explain your concerns. Most schools don't want you to have a bad start to your new school life so they may be happy to make sure that you're not in the same form as the bullies.

When term begins it may seem strange at first but everyone else will be new too. Try to invite as many new people home as you can so that you get the chance to make lots of new friends. Join a few clubs and societies if you can too because that's another way of making friends.

Bullies usually target people they know so it would be unlucky for you to be bullied by someone older who was a stranger but if you're worried about this then stay in busy areas of school where there are plenty of other people.
Liz

People call me names because I'm a different colourDear Liz,
I go to a school with not many pupils from different backgrounds so I stand out. I'm often called names, jokes are told about me and I'm told to go back to where I came from but this is my home and I was born here. My family don't know what's being said to me and I don't want to upset them by telling them. They don't speak English very well and they might not be able to sort it out for me.
Jasbinder

Hello Jasbinder,
If these ignorant people are making nasty remarks about your background, colour and culture then this is racism. Try having a word with your class teacher at a time he or she isn't busy. Perhaps you could tell other people you've forgotten to hand in your homework and have to stay behind to finish it.

If that doesn't work then your parents need to write to the head to explain the background and to ask for the name calling and jokes to be stopped. They should ask the head to record their complaint and to let them know in writing how he is dealing with it.

If your parents find writing a letter difficult there may be someone in your community who would be able to help them. Many towns also have Race Equality Councils and those are also places where they can find help.

Racism is serious and needs to be tackled. Many police forces now have special sections specifically to deal with this problem and if your parents need to contact them they should find someone understanding. Many forces also have police-school liaison officers who can be very useful in warning the bullies off.
Liz

People are bullying me on the school busDear Liz,
There's a lot of fighting on my school bus and there's an older boy who keeps calling me names and having a go at me. My mum says she can't keep leaving work early to pick me up but I'm afraid what might happen. I live quite a way from the bus stop and I keep thinking the bullies can get me on the way home too.
Andrew

Hello Andrew,
Schools can take action over bullying on the school bus. Your parents need to write to the head teacher about this problem.

In 2004 the government said that schools could take action on the journey to and from school so your parents could mention this link to the school if they are not aware of it Here

Try to sit near the driver or near other passengers if this is an ordinary bus. If this is a school bus provided by the council then your parents could make a complaint to the transport division and ask if the bully could have his pass withdrawn for a short time until he gets the message.

Your parents could also speak to the bus firm because if there's trouble and bad behaviour on the bus then the bus firm might be pleased to have an excuse to complain to the school. That would mean nobody would know you complained and a general telling off might curb the bully.

Look after your personal safety when you get off the bus. If it's dark then stick to well lit areas. Your parents could ask the police where they could get a personal attack alarm if that would make you feel safer. If you feel unsafe then go to a shop and ask them if you can wait there while you phone your parents to collect you.

If the worst happens and you are assaulted by one of the bullies then tell your parents who should report it to the police. Many offices, shops and streets are covered by CCTV so the bullies could be caught on film.
Liz

Bullying makes me so upset I want to dieDear Liz,
I'm 14 in March and I'm being bullied constantly. I've had people hitting me and yesterday I had to go to hospital because I thought I had a broken finger. Please help me. I'm sick to death and sometimes I feel like killing myself. I wish I was dead. I have been to the doctor.
Mike.

Hello Mike,
I can see that things are really bad for you, but killing yourself isn't the answer. Bullying Online can help you to get things sorted out, it may take time, but it can be done.

I'm glad you've been to see the doctor because you must be very down about what's going on. Is it possible for one of your parents to email Bullying Online because you'll need their help to sort this out? It can be hard to tackle the school but we can help your parents to do that.

This is not something you can sort out on your own because it's gone too far for that. Your parents need to contact your head teacher to tell them how unhappy you are and to get the bullying stopped. If they've already done this but it hasn't worked there are other avenues they can try like making a complaint to the governors and the local council.

As you've been assaulted and had to go to hospital your parents should think about calling the police in, particularly if there were any independent witnesses to what happened when you got hurt.

If you feel life isn't worth living please go back to see your doctor to explain how you feel. If you want to talk things through with someone on the phone you can call the Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90.
Liz

Help me avoid bullies in the playgroundDear Liz,
I'm 9 and at primary school. When I'm playing football I get tripped up and they are always pushing me around and taking my dinner money. I often tell teachers about it because I've had a few injuries.
Robert

Hello Robert,
I think you need to have some tactics to avoid problems. Stick to areas of school which you know are patrolled by staff because bullies are less likely to strike if there are a lot of people around.

I know it's difficult if you like playing football but that will also mean they won't have access to your coat and dinner money. This is really a short term measure because their behaviour isn't right.

Ask your mum or dad to write to your head teacher to outline what's been going on. Perhaps they could suggest that supervision is stepped up in the playground and that dinner money is handed in at the beginning of the day to be kept in a safe place.
Liz

People take the mick out of my illnessDear Liz,
A few years ago I was diagnosed with diabetes. Most of my friends are all right about it but some of them still take the mick. It can be upsetting, what can I do about it?
Peter

Hello Peter,
It must be hard when people make fun over something which you can't help. If this is unpleasant bullying you should tell your form teacher but if it is someone having a bit of fun perhaps you could sort it out yourself.

I think there might be some mileage to be had about your heroism in having to test your blood every day. You could always say you'll give them a demo of pricking your finger to get blood out of it. My guess is that they'd suddenly find they had somewhere else they needed to be - urgently!

If you have health and personal education classes, perhaps you or your parents could have a word with the teacher and a couple of sessions could be devoted to things like eczema, diabetes and asthma and how people control them. My guess is that half the class has got an inhaler stuffed away in a bag and once people understand more about conditions like these they're less likely to make fun of them.
Liz

I've seen bullies hurt a boy and I don't know what to doDear Liz,
There are a couple of bullies in my school who are bullying another boy. I feel very sorry for him. He doesn't tell anyone. They steal his money and make him cry. Once they got his glasses and smashed them and threw them in the toilet. Is there anything I can do to put a stop to this. I don't want to get on the bullies bad side either.
Claire

Hello Claire,
It's kind of you to want to help this boy, he must be terribly upset. Could you be his friend to start with, it sounds as though he needs one?

Would you be able to tell his mum what has been happening because she needs to go into school about it? If you could discreetly tell a teacher that would be a good idea but don't get into difficulty with the bullies yourself.

What about going to the school office to borrow some sellotape or a pen and then quietly mentioning it to the school secretary?

Liz

Contact us on help@bullying.co.uk if you need more help.

Other pages in this sectionSchool projects / Mobile phone bullying - Industry Advice / Bullies have taken my friends away / Tips from pupils
Bullying - Have your say! / Dangerous websites / Adults' survey results / How to help someone being bullied
Safety tips for Bebo, Facebook, MySpace and YouTube / Introduction to bullying / Cyberbullying - What is Cyberbullying / Happy slapping
Internet abuse / Bullying outside school / Problems young people suffer / Are you a bully?
Parents' survey results / Pupils' survey results / Moving school / Body language
Internet scams / Cyber safety tips / Teachers' survey results / Problems with YouTube?
Problems with MySpace? / Problems with Facebook? / Bullying in sport / Taking time off school?
School bus bullies / Mobile phone problems / Gay bullying / Problems with Bebo?
Weapons can KILL / Racist bullying / National Bullying Survey 2006