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Bullying outside school

Written by Liz Carnell

Bullying outside school is a frequent source of trouble between neighbours and divides roughly 50:50 into school bullies and serious problems with local children.

If these children are pupils at the same school as your child then it's sensible to warn the school that trouble at home could spill over into school.

Schools can act over bullying on the way to and from schoolIn 2004 the DFE issued guidance to schools reminding them they can take action on bullying on the journey to and from school so if bullying is carried out by pupils in school uniform then it's worth a complaint to the head teacher asking for action to be taken in accordance with the guidance. DFE guidance here

Schools won't normally take action over incidents at weekends or during the school holidays.

If your child feels unsafe you could get him/her an attack alarm. These often look like keyrings and cost about £5. The noise they make when activated should scare an attacker off and attract the attention of passers-by.

Involve the police over violence. Making a complaint to the police about intimidation, physical attacks or threats is the best thing to do if the bullies are over the age of criminal responsibility (10) in England and Wales.

The police may be prepared to visit the bullies' homes to warn them off but it's unlikely that further action will follow unless there has been an assault with independent witnesses or a long campaign of harassment. If you do this then you are also likely to have contact from Victim Support offering help. You can try the police for pupils aged under 10 but you may not be successful.

Suggest that your child takes a different route to and from school if possible, and perhaps walks with other pupils, there's safety in numbers. Bullying on the school bus is covered in that section of our advice to parents.

Bullying by neighbours' children

Bullying by neighbours' children is a very tricky problem that can escalate into a long term dispute. Bullying UK gets numerous complaints at the start of every school holiday.

Some parents have said they intend to move home to get away from the problem. Younger children can be desperately upset at being excluded from games and 'the gang' so that they have to spend their free time indoors or even away from their home.

Inviting pupils from school home regularly is a good idea because then if your younger child has problems locally they will still have playmates.

Tactics to try to resolve problems If you've had words with a neighbour over an incident wait until things cool down and say that you are sorry that you've had a difference of opinion.

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This will defuse the situation and puts the neighbour into a situation where to fail to listen to your concerns would make him/her appear unhelpful. You could then explain what has been going on and ask his/her help in resolving the problem. This puts the bully's behaviour back where it belongs - with his/her parents.

Give the parents specific details and explain how upset your child has been and that you would like the parents' suggestions to help them become friends. This avoids the situation where you are simply blaming the bully and puts the onus on the parents to come up with a solution.

The bully is often the gang leader

One way to get him/her on your side could be, for instance, by pointing out how much older he/she is than your child, and how you appreciate it when he/she looks after him/her.

You could try inviting the bully to your home alone to try to foster a better relationship under your supervision without the influence of other children. It may also help if a small treat could be involved, like a trip to the swimming pool or the cinema.

Away from his/her natural habitat, and outnumbered by your family, the bully is likely to appear a far less threatening figure to your child and his/her swaggering bravado may evaporate.

If the bully remains unpleasant, and his/her parents are not interested in sorting him/her out, try isolating him/her so that the bully knows what it feels like.

Invite some other members of the gang around for tea and take them out for the afternoon. Act as though the bully does not exist. Ask other parents if their children would like to come to your garden for a picnic.

The bully will soon get the message and so will his/her parents. This also gives you the opportunity to discuss what has been going on with the other parents in the street. You may find that some of them have faced a similar problem and can tell you how they tackled it.

Ask other children, individually, to quietly tell you when they see the bully in action against your child. If there are further disputes with the parents it would give you a lever to be able to say that other children had been telling you what was going on.

Tenants

Councils and housing associations are often very tough on the parents of children who misbehave and victimise neighbours. Tenants in rented accommodation can be warned they face eviction if their children cause problems for others so if the situation is bad try an approach to the council or housing association manager.

Anti-Social Behaviour Orders

Police and local councils can apply for an anti-social behaviour order (ASBO) on anyone making life a misery. These have usually been applied to young tearaways terrorising neighbourhoods, vandalising property and harassing people.

Evidence is gathered about the person's behaviour and it's always helpful if neighbours are prepared to say that they witnessed incidents.

It can take a while for these cases to come to court but ASBOs can be very effective because they lay down conditions on the young person's behaviour. Breaking an ASBO is a criminal offence.

Bullying in youth organisations and sports clubsMany of these organisations have child protection policies from their national bodies so if approaching the coach at club level doesn't help, parents should make a complaint to the national supervisory body.

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